my heart aches to be out of college and not pinned down any longer.
I understand this is just a phase in my life and I thank God for the opportunity to even go to college, but i’m glad it’s almost over. It just feels like i can’t be myself in nursing school. I wake up, i go to school, i come home, i study. Always feeling anxious, like I’m not good enough, not doing well enough, even when i’m nowhere near failing. And even when I do make time for myself, I feel as though I should be devoting all my time towards school. Yes i have the weekends to travel and explore with my boyfriend, but I don’t like living just for the weekends. Plus thats over with for a little over a month since my clinicals are 7am-7pm sat/sun.
Usually I suck it up and just keep pushing on but lately its really been getting to me. writing about it helps. maybe if I wrote more notes on this they wouldn’t all be so negative. I just don’t feel like myself. I feel like I get the most out of life when I am outside, somewhere new and beautiful with the people i love most or doing something active. That’s something I’ve had to give up a lot in order to pass my nursing program. So I really long for the next period in my life when I can get back to doing the things that make me feel like me.
I also feel like when I complain about nursing school people think Oh well she shouldn’t have chosen this field if its not what she loves… and that is completely false. I love caring for people to the best of my ability, even if that means wiping butts at the moment. And I will be a damn good nurse someday. Nursing school is hell. I can’t even explain unless you’ve experienced it. However, to be happy, It’s all about finding a balance.
For now, little adventures here and there with Vinny are whats keeping me sane.
How different life would be if we did things in grace and humility instead of making a spectacle out of everything.
See ya lataaa drama mamas..